A man was brought into the hospital intensive care ward, put in a bed, with tubes coming out everywhere.

A week later, another man was admitted in a similar condition.

Both lay there, machines pinging, tubes poking, etc. A couple more weeks before one of them had the strength to raise his hand and point to himself and say, “American.”

The other patient signaled he had heard, raised his own hand, and said, “Canadian.”

This act tired them out so badly that it was a week before the first summoned up the strength to say, “New York…”

Other replied in a weedy, frail voice, “Toronto…”

Once more, the strain was too much for them both, and they passed out. Days passed before the first patient managed to again point to himself and say, “Michael…”

Replied the other, “David…”

A few hours later, Michael managed to point to himself again and rasp out weakly, “Cancer.”

David responded, “Sagittarius.”

A general visits an army hospital to check on the conditions and inspire the troops.

Its WWIII, trench warfare is living hell, and the men could really use some inspiration. The general starts talking to the wounded soldiers.

He goes up to the first man and says: “What brings you in here son?”

The soldier replies: “sir, I got dysentery in the trenches, something awful.”

The general asks him: “How are they caring for you in here?” and the soldier replies: “Well sir, every day the nurses put a cool cloth on my head and they clean my behind with a soft brush.”

The general asks: “Is there anything else we can do for you?” and the soldier says: “No sir, the nurses are doing the best they can.” The general seems satisfied, thanks him for his service and moves on to the next man.

The general approaches the second man’s bed and asks: “What brings you in here son?”

The soldier replies somewhat embarrassed: “Sir, I got gonorrhoea from a woman while I was on leave.”

The general laughs and says: “It happens to the best of us son, how are they caring for you in here?” and the soldier replies: “Well sir, every day the nurses put a cool cloth on my head and they clean my privates with a soft brush.”

The general asks: “Is there anything else we can do for you?” and the soldier says: “No sir, the nurses are doing the best they can.” The general once again seems satisfied, thanks him for his service and moves on to the next man.

The general approaches the third man’s bed and asks: “What brings you in here son?”

The soldier tells him: “sir, I got strep throat in the trenches.”

The general asks: “How are they caring for you in here?” and the soldier replies: “Well sir, every day the nurses put a cool cloth on my head and they clean my throat with a soft brush.”

The general asks: “Is there anything else we can do for you?” and the soldier says: “Actually sir, there is one thing… I’d like to be the first one to use the brush.”