A woman asks her husband at breakfast time,

“Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?”

He declines. “Thanks for asking, but I’m not hungry right now.
It’s this Viagra,” he says. “It’s really taken the edge off my appetite.”

At lunchtime, she asked him if he would like something.
“How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins or a cheese sandwich?”
He declines. “The Viagra,” he says, “Its really spoiled my need for food.”

Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat.
“Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?”
He declines again. “No,” he says, “it’s got to be the Viagra. I’m still not hungry.”

“Well,” she says, “Would you mind getting off me? I’m bloody starving.”

Little Timmy Learned the Wrong Definitions

One day,little Timmy was at school and heard the word “sh*t”.

He went home and asked his dad for the definition and he promptly told him “coats and jackets”.

Timmy went to school the next day and heard the word “f**cking”, and for a second time, asked his father what it meant.
His father promptly said “cooking”.

Then,he returned to school the third day and heard the words “b*tch*s and h*es”.
He went home and his father told him it meant “grandpa and grandma”.

Later,on Thanksgiving night,his grandparents came over.
Timmy answered the door with glee and says: “Hey bi*tch*s and h*es! I’ll take your sh*t to the closet cause dad’s in the kitchen f**king the turkey!”

The mother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool.

“That’s interesting,” she said. “How do you make babies?”

“It’s simple,” replied the girl. “You just change ‘y’ to ‘i’ and add ‘es’.”

LOL!

A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents, “How was I born?”
“Well, honey…” said the slightly prudish parent, “An angel brought you to us.”

“Oh,” said the boy.

“Well, how did you and Daddy get born?” he asked.

“Oh, the angel brought us too.”

“Well, how were Grandpa and Grandma born?” he persisted.

“Well, darling, the angel brought them too!” said the parent.

Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher, who read with confusion the opening sentence: “This report has been very difficult to write because there hasn’t been a natural birth in my family for three generations.”

LOL!! SO CUTE!!