A very distinguished lady was on a plane arriving from Switzerland.
She found herself seated next to a nice priest whom she asked:
“Excuse me Father, could I ask a favor?”
“Of course my child, What can I do for you?”
“Here is the problem, I bought myself a new sophisticated hair remover gadget for which I paid an enormous sum of money. I have
really gone over the declaration limits and I am worried that they will confiscate it at customs. Do you think you could hide it under
your cassock?”
“Of course I could, my child, but you must realize that I can not lie.”
“You have such an honest face Father, I am sure they will not ask you any questions”, and she gave him the ‘hair remover’.
The aircraft arrived at its destination. When the priest presented himself to customs he was asked, “Father, do you have anything to declare?”
“From the top of my head to my sash, I have nothing to declare, my son”,he replied.
Finding this reply strange, the customs officer asked, “And from the sash down, what do you have?”
The priest replied, “I have there a marvelous little instrument designed for use by women, but which has never been used.”
Breaking out in laughter, the customs officer said, “Go ahead Father. Next!”
A woman was h*ving a daytime *ff*ir while her husband was at work.
One rainy day she was in b*d with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband’s car pull into the driveway. ‘Oh my God – Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband’s home early!’
I can’t jump out the window. It’s raining out there!’
‘If my husband catches us in here, he’ll k*ll us both!’ she replied. ‘He’s got a hot temper and a g*n, so the rain is the least of your problems!’
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes, and jumps out the window!
As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town’s annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them.
Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity jogged closer.
Do you always run in the n*de?’ one asked.
Oh yes!’ he replied, gasping in air. ‘It feels so wonderfully free!’
Another runner moved a long side. ‘Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?’
‘Oh, yes’ our friend answered breathlessly. ‘That way I can get
dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!’
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, ‘Do you
always w*ar a c*nd*m when you run?’
‘Nope.. just when it’s raining.😂😜
