Woman gets a tattoo

A woman goes into a tattoo parlour and tells the tattoo artist that she wants a tattoo of a turkey on her right thigh right up just below her bikini line.

She also wants him to put “Happy Thanksgiving” under the turkey. So the guy does it and it comes out looking real good.

The woman then instructs him to put a Santa Clause with “Merry Christmas” up on her left thigh. So the guy does it and it comes out looking good too.

As the woman is getting dressed to leave, the tattoo artist says “if you don’t mind, could you tell me why you had me put such unusal tattoos on your thighs?”

She says “I’m sick and tired of my husband complaining all the time that there’s nothing good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas.”

A farmer took his truck in for repairs.

The local mechanic couldn’t do it while he waited: so, as he didn’t live far, he said he would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint.

He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose.

However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem. – how to carry his entire purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost.

“Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane ?” she asked.

“Well, “ said the farmer, “as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would gladly walk you there, but I can’t carry this lot.”
“Why don’t you put the can of paint in the bucket,” suggested the little old lady, “Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm, and carry the goose in your other hand?’

“Why, thank you very much,” he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way he said. “’Let’s take my shortcut and go down this alley. We’ll be there in no time.”

The little old lady looked him over cautiously and then said, “I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won’t hold me up against the wall, p*ll up my sk*rt, and have your way with me?”

“Holy smokes lady!”, the farmer said. “I’m carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?”

“Well, if you WERE to do such a thing,” the old lady replied, “you would set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I would hold the chickens.
A LADY RECEIVED A FRIEND REQUEST

A few days ago I received friend request on FACEBOOK from a attractive guy about 29 years old….I was curious. I wanted to that why someone that young wanted to be my Facebook friend. S. To i accepted it. Then he started sending private messages. He was very kind. He called beautiful. He asked my age. I’m not a liar so i told him and reminded him I’m quite a bit senior . And i let talk’s a bit because true to be told flattery ain’t all that bad.

We keep talking for a while and within a short time, He asked if we could talk about *d*lt things’. I said OK. Then he replied with a face like😈. He said thank you babe,you start”. So i did!

I told him *d*lt things like my hips and knees were hurting. My back acts up when it is cold outside. I explained i have a crazy insomnia, I toss and turn the entire night and that i often have leg cramps,especially when i try to sleep. I mentioned the sc*rs from multiple surgeries and the limp i have from old injury. And of course i had to throw in the need for daily fibre supplements to prevent pass gas. Can’t forget that one!

I was waiting for him to answer me….

He blocked me. He wanted to talk about things and then don’t take the heat!

I think I’m just a bit too much woman for him to handle 😂