An old farmer was hauling a load of manure

An old farmer was hauling a load of manure when he was stopped by a state trooper. “You were speeding,” the cop said. “I’m going to have to give you a ticket.”

“Yep,” the farmer said as he watched the trooper shoo away several flies.

“These flies are terrible,” the trooper complained.

“Yep,” the farmer said. “Those are circle flies.”

“What’s a circle fly?”

“Them flies that circle a horse’s ass,” answered the farmer. “Them are circle flies.”

“You wouldn’t be calling me a horse’s ass, would you?” The trooper angrily asked.

“Nope, I didn’t,” the farmer replied. “But you just can’t fool them flies.

One day, I asked my English teacher,

“Why do we ignore some letters in pronunciation eg. the letter H …in Hour, Honour. …etc. ???”

My English teacher said, “We are not ignoring them; they’re considered silent “……. (I was even more confused???)

During the lunch break, my teacher gave me her packed lunch and asked me to heat it in the cafeteria.
I ate all the food and returned her the empty container…!!!

My English teacher: “What happened? I told you to go and HEAT my food, you are returning me an empty container.”

I replied, “Sir, I thought ‘H’ was silent.”

A father and son went hunting together for the first time.

The father said: “Stay here and be very QUIET. I’ll be across the

field.”

A few hours later the father heard a blood curdling scream and ran back to his son.

“What’s wrong?’ the father asked, ”I told you to be quiet.’

The boy, bless his heart, answered;

“‘Look, I was quiet when the snake slithered across my feet, I was quiet when the bear breathed down my neck, I didn’t move a muscle when the skunk climbed over my shoulder, I closed my eyes and held my breath when the wasp stung me, I didn’t cough when I swallowed the gnat, I didn’t cuss or scratch when the poison oak started itching but when the two squirrels crawled up my pant legs and said, ‘Should we eat them here or take them with us?’

‘ Well, I guess I just panicked ‘.