A husband and wife were celebrating their 50th anniversary.

That night, the wife approached her husband wearing the exact same s*xy negligee she had worn on their wedding night. She looked at her husband and said, “Honey, do you remember this?”

He looked up at her and said, “Yes, dear, I do. You wore that same negligee the night we were married.”

She said, “That’s right. Do you remember what you said to me that night?”

He nodded and said, “Yes, dear, I still remember.”

“Well, what was it?” she asked.

He responded, “As I remember, I said, ‘Oh baby, I’m going to suck the life out of those big t*ts and scr*w your br*ins out.’”

She giggled and said, “Yes, honey, that’s exactly what you said. So, now it’s 50 years later, and I’m in the same negligee I wore that night. What do you have to say tonight?”

Again, he looked up at her, and he replied, “Mission accomplished.”

A husband and wife get up on Sunday morning.

After breakfast, the wife notices that her husband isn’t dressed for church.

“Why aren’t you dressed for church?”

“Simple. I’m not going.”

“Why not?”

“Well, I’ll give you three pretty good reasons why I’m not going.

First of all, the church is cold in the morning.

It’s just cold. Second, no one there likes me.

Everyone is always talking about me behind my back.

And third, most important of all, I just don’t feel like going!”

“Well, I’ll give you three pretty good reasons why you ARE going.

First of all, the church isn’t cold in the morning; it’s warm.

Second, I think, or I’m pretty sure, that there are some people there who do like you, and third you’re the minister, so get dressed.”

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A three-year-old boy little johnny went with his dad to see a litter of kittens.

On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother,