A 70-year-old widow placed a newspaper ad seeking a husband her age who wouldn’t hit her, wouldn’t chase other women, and still had confidence in the bedroom. The next day, a gray-haired man arrived in a wheelchair, without arms or legs. When she asked about her requirements, he explained that he couldn’t beat her or run after anyone. She hesitated, then asked about his bedroom abilities. He smiled. “I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?”

Another woman celebrated her 70th birthday with a hotel stay—then challenged the $250 bill. The manager explained that the price included a pool, conference facilities, and entertainment. She hadn’t used them, but she could have. She wrote a $50 check, deducting $200 for sleeping with her. “But I didn’t!” he protested. She handed his reasoning straight back: “Well, you could have. I was here all night!” Suddenly, those unused amenities weren’t such a convincing argument.