I’m penning this letter to inform you that I’m leaving you for good. Despite my efforts over 7 years, our relationship has yielded nothing but misery. Your recent actions, like quitting your job without a word, are the final straw. Your indifference and neglect are crystal clear. I can only assume you’ve lost interest or found someone else. Regardless, I’m moving on.

Don’t bother looking for me; your sister and I are starting a new life in West Virginia. Goodbye, Your EX-Husband, Ex-Wife’s Response: Dear Ex-Husband, Receiving your letter made my day. Let’s be honest, you’ve hardly been a model husband. Your constant complaints drove me to my soaps for solace. And that haircut? Let’s just say it wasn’t my cup of tea. As for the silk boxers, I thought they were a gift for someone else, given the price tag. And speaking of gifts, remember when I won the lottery? I had plans for us, but you disappeared. Life moves on, and so will I, now rich and free. Your letter ensures you won’t share in my fortune. Take care. Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich and Free P.S. My sister Carla was born Carl. Hope that’s not an issue.