\u201cWhat\u2019s this about?\u201d he asks the bartender.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s our monthly contest. You put in a $20 entry fee and then perform the three acts. If you complete all three successfully you win the pot.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCool,\u201d he says. \u201cWhat are the three acts?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, first, you have to sucker-punch the bouncer,\u201d says the bartender, pointing to a man by the door who is the size of a house. \u201cThen if you\u2019re still okay, we have a pit bull downstairs with an abscessed tooth. You have to pull it out with your bare hands.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo far I\u2019m not liking this,\u201d says the man. \u201cBut I\u2019ll bite. What\u2019s the third act?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSee old Mrs. Jennings down there?\u201d asks the bartender, pointing to an old lady at the end of the bar with warts on her face. \u201cShe hasn\u2019t had sex in a long time.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou know what, I\u2019m good,\u201d says the guy. \u201cJust bring me my usual.\u201d<\/p>\n
As the night goes on, one drink becomes many, and the guy decides he\u2019s feeling pretty brave. \u201cAw, what the heck,\u201d he thinks, and plops a $20 in the jar and heads over to the bouncer, punching him in the jaw as hard as he can.<\/p>\n
The bouncer crumples to the floor as if made of paper. \u201cAll right!\u201d he yells. \u201cWhere\u2019s that pit bull?!\u201d<\/p>\n
He runs downstairs and throughout the bar a howling is heard as if the gates of Hell have opened up, then silence. A few moments later, he comes running back up the stairs, a wild look in his eye.<\/p>\n
\u201cAll right!\u201d he says. \u201cWhere\u2019s the lady with the abscessed tooth!?\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u201cWhat\u2019s this about?\u201d he asks the bartender. \u201cThat\u2019s our monthly contest. You put in a $20 entry fee and then perform the three acts. If you complete… <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":18253,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-18252","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/ourtimenew.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18252","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/ourtimenew.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/ourtimenew.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ourtimenew.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ourtimenew.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=18252"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/ourtimenew.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18252\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":18254,"href":"https:\/\/ourtimenew.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18252\/revisions\/18254"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ourtimenew.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/18253"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/ourtimenew.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=18252"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ourtimenew.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=18252"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ourtimenew.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=18252"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}