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\nRound 1: The Automatic Salute
\nA man was sunbathing on a crowded beach completely stark naked, except for a sports cap strategically placed over his crotch.<\/p>\n
\nRound 1: The Automatic Salute
\nA man was sunbathing on a crowded beach completely stark naked, except for a sports cap strategically placed over his crotch.<\/p>\n
An elegant woman walking past stopped, glared down at him with utter disgust, and sniffed, \u201cYou know, if you had any gentlemanly manners at all, you would lift your hat to a lady.\u201d<\/p>\n
The man didn\u2019t even bother to open his eyes. He just replied, \u201cLady, if you were hot enough, the hat would lift itself.\u201d<\/p>\n
Round 2: Deep in the Heart of Terror
\nA blind elderly man decided to take his very first vacation to Texas, completely unprepared for the state\u2019s legendary reputation.<\/p>\n
The moment he felt around his airplane seat, his eyes widened. \u201cWow, these seats are absolutely enormous!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, partner,\u201d his seatmate chuckled, \u201ceverything is bigger in Texas.\u201d<\/p>\n
Once he landed, the old man navigated his way into a local saloon and ordered a draft beer. The bartender slammed a monstrous, heavy mug between his hands. \u201cGood grief,\u201d the blind man gasped, \u201cthis glass is gigantic!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEverything\u2019s bigger in Texas, my friend,\u201d the bartender grinned.<\/p>\n
Three heavy beers later, nature came calling. The bartender pointed him down the hallway: \u201cSecond door on your right.\u201d<\/p>\n
The blind man shuffled down the hall, but got disoriented, tripped over a cleaning bucket, and accidentally skipped the second door. Instead, he stumbled through the third door\u2014which led straight out to the hotel\u2019s Olympic-sized swimming pool.<\/p>\n
Lose his balance, he plummeted face-first into the deep end. Thrashing wildly in the massive body of water and scared absolutely to death, the old man began screaming at the top of his lungs:<\/p>\n
\u201cDON\u2019T FLUSH! PLEASE, GOD, DON\u2019T FLUSH!\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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