The Navy realized it had too many officers, so it announced a special early-retirement program.<\/p>\n
The deal sounded simple:<\/p>\n
$1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points on the officer\u2019s body.<\/p>\n
Naturally, word spread quickly.<\/p>\n
The first officer stepped forward confidently.<\/p>\n
\u201cMeasure me from the top of my head to my toes.\u201d<\/p>\n
The examiner measured him.<\/p>\n
Six feet.<\/p>\n
Seventy-two inches.<\/p>\n
That earned him $72,000.<\/p>\n
Everyone watching was impressed.<\/p>\n
Then the second officer stepped up.<\/p>\n
He had clearly been thinking about this.<\/p>\n
\u201cMeasure from my fingertips to my toes!\u201d<\/p>\n
He stretched himself out as far as possible.<\/p>\n
Eight feet.<\/p>\n
Ninety-six inches.<\/p>\n
The room erupted.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s genius,\u201d someone whispered.<\/p>\n
Then a grizzled old Chief walked forward.<\/p>\n
He had spent decades in the Navy and looked completely unimpressed by everyone else\u2019s clever ideas.<\/p>\n
The pension officer asked, \u201cChief, where would you like us to measure?\u201d<\/p>\n
The Chief smirked.<\/p>\n
\u201cFrom the tip of my weenie\u2026 to my testicles.\u201d<\/p>\n
The room went silent.<\/p>\n
The pension officer tried to talk him out of it.<\/p>\n
\u201cChief, you could choose your height. Your arm span. Anything longer.\u201d<\/p>\n
But the Chief insisted.<\/p>\n
So a medical officer was called in.<\/p>\n
The Chief dropped his pants, and the doctor began the examination.<\/p>\n
A few seconds later, the doctor suddenly stopped.<\/p>\n
He looked confused.<\/p>\n
Then concerned.<\/p>\n
Finally, he looked up and asked,<\/p>\n
\u201cUh\u2026 Chief\u2026 where are your testicles?\u201d<\/p>\n
The Chief calmly replied\u2026<\/p>\n
\u201cVietnam.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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