“Sir, I understand you admit to having broken into the dress shop four times,” the judge said.
“Yes, Your Honor,” the suspect replied.
“What did you steal?” the judge asked.
“I stole a dress, Your Honor,” replied the suspect.
“One dress?” the judge bellowed. “But you have admitted to breaking in four times!”
“Yes, Your Honor,” sighed the suspect, “but the first three times my wife didn’t like the color!”
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A youngster rushed into a barbershop and asked for a haircut and a shave immediately.
“You wait your turn, young man,” said the barber, “I will get to you after the others waiting before you have been attended to. It will take an hour or two.”
The young fellow ran out of the barber’s shop. He came the next day, the day after, and for many days subsequently. Every time he was told to wait his turn, he fled.
Unable to contain his curiosity, the barber asked his assistant to follow the young man and find out where he came from and where he went after leaving his shop.
The assistant did so and reported back, “I don’t know where the fellow comes from, but as soon as you tell him you will be busy for the next hour or two, he runs to your home.”
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An old French lady had a small shop in her village for years, until one day a huge corporate supermarket set up across the road from her little shop.
They put up signs advertising their prices, including one that said: “Butter – 10 Francs”
In response, the lady added a sign to her own window: “Butter – 9 Francs”
The next day, the big supermarket had a new sign: “Butter – 8 Francs”
Sure enough, the day after the lady’s sign now read: “7 Franc.”
This went on for a while, until eventually one of the lady’s customers pointed to the sign and said, “Madame, you cannot keep your prices so low for long. These big companies can use their buying power to sell products cheaper, but a little store like yours can never compete.”
In response, the old lady bent forward conspiratorially and muttered, “Monsieur, I don’t even sell butter.”
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Wife was in the ICU.
The husband was unable to control his tears.
Doctor: “We are trying our best but can’t guarantee anything. Her body is not reacting. It seems she is in a coma.”
Husband: “Doctor, please save her. She is just 30 years old and the family needs her.”
Suddenly something happened. Miraculously the ECG started beeping like crazy.
A hand moved, her lips mumbled and she spoke, “Darling, I’m 29, not 30…”
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Husband and wife went shopping to get new dresses for the wife.
After seeing numerous dresses, she shortlisted around 100 and further brought it down to 25. Out of these, she asked her husband to choose 5 dresses among them. Then she finally picked up one dress. It took 5 hours to finalise one dress.
The husband settled the bill and commented, “Adam was very lucky because he and Eve used to wear only leaves. He need not have wasted too much of time.”
Ultimate comment of wife, “Who knows how many trees Adam had to climb and finally choose the leaves as per the wish of Eve. You are lucky… you have to just sit in AC shop…”
Moral: Never argue with a woman while shopping.
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Wife texts her Husband who is at work:
Hey bring home a loaf of bread. Oh, and your girlfriend Elizabeth says ‘hello’.
Husband: Who’s Elizabeth?
Wife: Nobody, just wanted to make sure you got my text.
Husband: Dang, I’m with Elizabeth now, I thought you caught us!
Wife: What!? Where are you!?
Husband: I’m at the bakery, why?
Wife: I’ll be right there! (5 minutes later) Where are you?
Husband: I’m at work. Where are you?
Wife: I’m at the bakery!
Husband: Don’t forget the bread.
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