Marty arrives home from work, and as soon as he sets foot in the house, Sadie is on to him, telling him that their friend Marvin has finally quit smoking.

“Imagine that, Marty,” she says, “someone who smoked 3 packs a day for 20 years has stopped smoking all of a sudden. Now that’s what I call willpower – something that you definitely don’t have.”

But Sadie hadn’t finished.

“And that’s not all. I hear that Bernie, that drunken friend of yours, is finally giving up drinking – another example of the kind of willpower that you don’t have.”

“OK, Sadie,” said Marty, “you want to see willpower, do you? Well, here’s willpower. I am going to sleep in the spare room from now on. I am going to prove to you that I won’t be affected at all by not sleeping with a woman.”

Marty keeps to his word.

One night, when he had been sleeping alone for a week, there is a knock on his bedroom door.

Marty shouts out, “What do you want?”

Sadie replies, “Marvin has started smoking again.”

==============================================

A husband was addicted to smoking and drinking.

One day, his wife got so angry that she told him: “If you keep on smoking, all of your intestines will fall out.”

Her husband didn’t believe her, so he kept on smoking and drinking just like he always did.

His wife was determined to prove herself right, so one day she went out early in the morning and bought some big intestines. She stuffed them in her husband’s underwear as he slept.

A short while later, he woke up, let out a huge scream, and then fell silent for the next 30 minutes.

After another 30 minutes of silence, he comes downstairs, sweating profusely.

“What happened?” asked the wife.

“You were right! My intestines did come out, but don’t worry honey – after a lot of work, I finally managed to push them back in.”

==============================================

A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up.

As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life.

“Wow, this is great!” he thought. It wasn’t long before he came to a hedge and after squeezing under it he saw a wonderful sight – lots of other bunny rabbits, all free and nibbling at the lush grass.

“Hey!” he called. “I’m a rabbit from the laboratory and I’ve just escaped. Are you wild rabbits?”

“Yes, come and join us!” they cried.

“What else do you wild rabbits do?” the lab rabbit asked.

“Well,” one of them said, “you see that field there? It’s got carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them.”

This, he couldn’t resist and he spent the next hour eating the most succulent carrots. They were wonderful. Later, he asked them again, “What else do you do?”

“You see that field there? It’s got lettuce growing in it. We eat that as well.”

The lettuce tasted just as good and he returned a while later completely full.

“It’s fantastic out here in the world,” he told them.

“So are you going to live with us then?” one of them asked.

“I’m sorry, I had a great time but I can’t.”

The wild rabbits all stared at him, a bit surprised. “Why? We thought you liked it here.”

“I do,” the rabbit replied. “But I must get back to the lab. I’m dying for a cig * rette.”

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