A Husband Exclaims His Wife …

A husband exclaims to his wife one day, “Your bum is getting really big.

It’s bigger than the BBQ grill!”

Later that night in bed, the husband m@kes some advances towards his wife

who completely brushes him off.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

She answers, “Do you really think I’m going to fire up this big-a*s grill for one little weenie?”

Two Skunks Named In and Out.
One day, two skunks named In and Out, asked their mother if they could go into a store and play.

Their mother said yes, but only for an hour.

An hour later, only Out came back. Their mother said, “Out, you’d better go back in and find In.”

About 10 seconds later, Out comes back with In. Their mother asked how Out found In so quickly.

“Easy.” Out said. “In-stincts.”

Jimmy and Matty, ages 8 and 4, were excessively mischievous.

They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew if any mischief occurred in their town, the two boys were probably involved.

The boys’ mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually. The mother sent Matty in the morning, and planned to send Jimmy to see the preacher in the afternoon.

The preacher, a huge man with a deep booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, “Do you know where God is, son?”
The boy’s mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open. So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, “Where is God?!”

Again, Matty made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy’s face and bellowed, “Where is God?!”

The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, “What happened?”

Matty, gasping for breath, replied, “We are in BIG trouble this time! GOD is missing, and they think WE did it!”
A coloring page.
A kindergarten teacher handed out a coloring page to her class.

On it was a picture of a duck holding an umbrella. The teacher told her class to color the duck in yellow and the umbrella green, however, Pappu, the class rebel, colored the duck in a bright fire truck red.

After seeing this, the teacher asked him, “Pappu, how many times have you seen a red duck?”

Young Pappu replied with, “The same number of times I’ve seen a duck holding an umbrella.”

A teacher was helping one of her kindergarten students put his boots on.

He asked for help and she could see why. Even with her pulling and pushing the boots, she just didn’t want to go on. By the time she’d got the second boot on, she’d worked up a sweat.

That’s when the little boy said, ‘Mrs. Smith, they’re on the wrong feet.’

She looked, and sure enough, they were.

It wasn’t any easier getting them back off and re-put upon the correct feet. That’s when the little boy said, ‘These aren’t my boots. They’re my brother’s. My mom made me wear them.’

She bit her tongue and managed to keep her cool. But she mustered up the courage one more time to wrestle those boots on his feet again. ‘Now,’ she said, ‘Where are your mittens?’

‘I stuffed them in the toes of my boots.’